...and I'm finally waving the white flag & wiping the slate clean.
Done blogging.FOREVER
wow. i haven't written in this place in almost a year. it's amazing for me to look back at the post (although they're few and far in b/w) and see where i am today.
what's amazing to me is in my last post dated 03/2008, I'm missing Fe.
It's 02/2008 and yep! you guessed it. I still miss Fe. Amazing in'it?
*singing Immm missin' my baaaby" These posts are innocent enough, right? No harm in missing him, I thought. Apparently.....he thought otherwise. *shuddering at flashbacks of Nov*
I tried. I suppose this blog is a testament to that. 300+ days later and........
NOTHING.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Day 3....Post Exodus
**Update from since this was posted earlier: Spoke to dipshit. :) going to sleep now. I'm still tired! but, i need to get out of the house tomorrow. retreating for the rest of the summer is lame, i know. but i really don't want to go out!
Found myself tearing up yesterday. Couldn’t quite figure out why. Was it the song? Memories of him surrounding me everywhere? Was I missing him too much? 'Cause I hadn't spoken to him? Wait....I need to hide the stupid guitar. Toss out the glasses. Take off his underwear? MY LORD! This is a serious case of The JOnes you have here. shit, girl.
Hug him, kiss him, rub his head. That's what I feel like doing. Wanted to call and say “hey...I’m coming from XYZ..i'm coming over, K?” Hey...are you ready. Come downstairs!".{funny...i'm actually going to miss waiting for his slow arse to come down on-time.} Quick chat. Text. The usual. Like old times.
Listening to music. Turning to God [i.e. "oh..I'll listen to some Gospel...It'll pick me up and i need to praise God anyway. I really have to do better with going hard with God during "convenient" times though.] I'm working on it. He's working on me. It's a process.
After meeting F, I realized that while I was living…I’d closed off some parts of me. It's funny b/c I try to recall wth was I doing then?! I went to some restaurant, lounge, houseparty, bar, club, festival, shopping, random downtown walk----every single weekend that summer. (geez...was I running from something???) .
Heck....I hadn't even kissed anyone in over 2 years. (is that normal???) Ish....no wonder my ass is open. [...no pun intended!] No wonder, my nose is open? You get the point. No wonder I'm spr...spr...spru..n..g? Wait...but I couldn've kissed someone. And I could've dated. But I guess I was "weird" [i.e. in prudish/i ain't giving up jacksh*t mode] back then. Even I'm giving myself at those non-sense rules.
Oh how times change. Charming bastard, he was. Dry spell for 2 years---->the River Phoenix.
Speaking of dry and rivers, I need to plan a trip home and see my folks, too.
Found myself tearing up yesterday. Couldn’t quite figure out why. Was it the song? Memories of him surrounding me everywhere? Was I missing him too much? 'Cause I hadn't spoken to him? Wait....I need to hide the stupid guitar. Toss out the glasses. Take off his underwear? MY LORD! This is a serious case of The JOnes you have here. shit, girl.
Hug him, kiss him, rub his head. That's what I feel like doing. Wanted to call and say “hey...I’m coming from XYZ..i'm coming over, K?” Hey...are you ready. Come downstairs!".{funny...i'm actually going to miss waiting for his slow arse to come down on-time.} Quick chat. Text. The usual. Like old times.
Listening to music. Turning to God [i.e. "oh..I'll listen to some Gospel...It'll pick me up and i need to praise God anyway. I really have to do better with going hard with God during "convenient" times though.] I'm working on it. He's working on me. It's a process.
After meeting F, I realized that while I was living…I’d closed off some parts of me. It's funny b/c I try to recall wth was I doing then?! I went to some restaurant, lounge, houseparty, bar, club, festival, shopping, random downtown walk----every single weekend that summer. (geez...was I running from something???) .
Heck....I hadn't even kissed anyone in over 2 years. (is that normal???) Ish....no wonder my ass is open. [...no pun intended!] No wonder, my nose is open? You get the point. No wonder I'm spr...spr...spru..n..g? Wait...but I couldn've kissed someone. And I could've dated. But I guess I was "weird" [i.e. in prudish/i ain't giving up jacksh*t mode] back then. Even I'm giving myself at those non-sense rules.
Oh how times change. Charming bastard, he was. Dry spell for 2 years---->the River Phoenix.
Speaking of dry and rivers, I need to plan a trip home and see my folks, too.
Monday, March 24, 2008
MY man is on the roll *said in my best hood girl accent.* I knew he could be a good BF. I'm chessing.
I also saw a different side of him today. He wasn't joking. A more somber side (though he was rightly so.) **whispering a prayer*
Went bike-riding today. Was quite an adventure (well at least for F). Twas cool. I'm happy that it was one of the things on our 'to-do-list' that we had in the beginning---and it we did(!), albeit when he was leaving. Kind of like full-circle, I guess. Never did stick to the 1 "new" [we were bound to start repeating at some point] restaurant per week.
I've thrown 'caution' to the wind. Before I'd try to react based on him. Gauge where he was. Now I'm totally uninhibited. Who has time to worry about putting on game-face, or saving face, rather. Who cares. Not to mention, my game-face is crap. He knows he's got it on lock. I'm in the basket.
Things are great now. But, he's about to leave. [go figure, right?] Catch 22.
Ha...I'd better start buttering up my friends. [yikes! Am I that chic? The one that goes MIA when she gets a bfriend, but comes back when he's busy, traveling, or even worse---moves?]
I'm cool. I'll see him. As he says, "It's not like he's about to die."
btw...i realize this post along with others are abt him. NO==nothing else happened to day. No class today. No work today. No stories. Ok? Well, my Mom called, but that's about it. I think I just feel the need to justify an entire post dedicated to bike-riding and fun-----things that should be a given any-darn-how!
I also saw a different side of him today. He wasn't joking. A more somber side (though he was rightly so.) **whispering a prayer*
Went bike-riding today. Was quite an adventure (well at least for F). Twas cool. I'm happy that it was one of the things on our 'to-do-list' that we had in the beginning---and it we did(!), albeit when he was leaving. Kind of like full-circle, I guess. Never did stick to the 1 "new" [we were bound to start repeating at some point] restaurant per week.
I've thrown 'caution' to the wind. Before I'd try to react based on him. Gauge where he was. Now I'm totally uninhibited. Who has time to worry about putting on game-face, or saving face, rather. Who cares. Not to mention, my game-face is crap. He knows he's got it on lock. I'm in the basket.
Things are great now. But, he's about to leave. [go figure, right?] Catch 22.
Ha...I'd better start buttering up my friends. [yikes! Am I that chic? The one that goes MIA when she gets a bfriend, but comes back when he's busy, traveling, or even worse---moves?]
I'm cool. I'll see him. As he says, "It's not like he's about to die."
btw...i realize this post along with others are abt him. NO==nothing else happened to day. No class today. No work today. No stories. Ok? Well, my Mom called, but that's about it. I think I just feel the need to justify an entire post dedicated to bike-riding and fun-----things that should be a given any-darn-how!
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Fab weekend.
Pulled off w/out a hitch. Felt like old times. I had the "butterfly"/blissful feeling from the beginning."Seems like it had been minute since we'd spent a FULL, drama-free [read: no phone calls/arguments abt his friend] fun-filled day together. [smh @ fun-filled. Who says that? I've got to work on my coolness factor. Street cred is slipping.]
I saw the person that I knew he was. that he IS. That he can be. if he chooses. when he chooses. *problem is--he never....ah, nevermind. forget it.*
Was reminded of those fab weekends from before. Dude spoiled me when we first me. Not spoiled in the typical sense, but basically I came to expect dining out, lounges, movies, concerts...ya know----things that I would do otherwise, except I came to prefer to do them with him.
I'm actually a pretty chill chic. [not too difficult to pls.] Don't need fireworks or an outing everytime. Quality time is good enough for me (i.e. listening to music and making sangria...which we did). :-) Ok..and eating out. And going to lounges. Ok----I pretty much like entertainment. And he's not a boring guy, either. So the match was perfect.
One of my new year's resolutions is to be more discrete. Not tell so much. So I'll stop. I don't have to tell EVERYTHING we did. Can't put ALL of your business in the streets.
But, oh yeah....we 'hawked' him [for the short-schoolbus riders, that's a mohawk.] And, dare I say....it actually looks FAB! *hmm...i think I'm going to be a barber now.* random thought.
Fun times, though. I *heart* my Femfem.
going to miss him.
I saw the person that I knew he was. that he IS. That he can be. if he chooses. when he chooses. *problem is--he never....ah, nevermind. forget it.*
Was reminded of those fab weekends from before. Dude spoiled me when we first me. Not spoiled in the typical sense, but basically I came to expect dining out, lounges, movies, concerts...ya know----things that I would do otherwise, except I came to prefer to do them with him.
I'm actually a pretty chill chic. [not too difficult to pls.] Don't need fireworks or an outing everytime. Quality time is good enough for me (i.e. listening to music and making sangria...which we did). :-) Ok..and eating out. And going to lounges. Ok----I pretty much like entertainment. And he's not a boring guy, either. So the match was perfect.
One of my new year's resolutions is to be more discrete. Not tell so much. So I'll stop. I don't have to tell EVERYTHING we did. Can't put ALL of your business in the streets.
But, oh yeah....we 'hawked' him [for the short-schoolbus riders, that's a mohawk.] And, dare I say....it actually looks FAB! *hmm...i think I'm going to be a barber now.* random thought.
Fun times, though. I *heart* my Femfem.
going to miss him.
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